Tag archives for stereotypes

Breastfeeding: the naked truth

 

Not the breast I spotted on the Stockholm commuter train. Photo: Carin Araujo/ www.sxc.hu

For those not in the know, it is World Breastfeeding Week. From August 1-7 the “breast is best” mindset is being celebrated throughout 170 countries worldwide. Marketing efforts even include a photo competition to promote this natural artform.

In Sweden, it is presumed you will want to breastfeed your baby. It’s not usually up for discussion in the pre-birth parenting groups and mothers that simply can’t produce seem to be consumed with guilt and explanation instead.

Yet, the country is a shining example for  the World Health Organization’s recommendation that exclusive breastfeeding is optimal for the first six months. The percentage of babies that have been breast-fed in Sweden hits the high nineties. Given the Swedes strict adherence to authority they routinely stop after half a year and switch to solids.

I have witnessed nursing rooms in Stockholm shopping malls but, as a rule, breastfeeding is not a discreet affair. Like most other mums, I think nothing of sitting on a street bench or stopping in the park to feed my hungry child. Yet fellow expat mum here who are holidaying in their homeland for the summer, have expressed concerns about expected reactions from breastfeeding at all, never mind baring it all in ful-frontal fashion. If it’s not a bottle, discretion is the word.

In 2009, a public breastfeeding display did capture attention in Sweden and the global media too. Ragnar Bengtsson, a 26-year-old father, decided to experiment to see if he could produce milk to breastfeed his future children. The self-styled Swedish “milkman” failed in his bid to lactate. Still, for his efforts, he won a trip to the States to appear on The Tyra Banks show – not a bad booby prize.

Now, I’ve been in Sweden long enough now to bare all. That Swedes have few inhibitions when it comes to being scantily clad was coined back in the sixties era of free love and sexual liberation. But somehow it stuck. The image remains of beautiful bare-chested blondes sweating in the sauna before running freely down to the water for a skinny-dipping session. It’s not an everyday occurrence but yes, they do and yes, I’ve joined in.

Being at one with nature is not quite the same when you’re on the Stockholm commuter train faced with a rather large breast to accompany your journey home. I recently spotted a mother openly feeding her child en route and chatting on her phone. No one poked their head out from behind their newspaper nor raised an eyebrow.

I took heed, stopped staring and refrained from whipping out my camera. Shame – a shot of this mobile-talking, mobile-feeding mother would surely have been a contender for the World Breastfeeding Week photo comp.

Silence is sometimes golden

There is a veritable selection of books about the Swedes – sociological insights into their cultural quirks and how to get to know them better, or how to get to know them at all. Indeed, making friends and acquaintances in Sweden takes time. I’m celebrating my 9-year anniversary in Stockholm this month and that’s enough to boast numerous good relations. In the book Swedish Mentality, noted ethnologist Åke Daun refers to “shyness” when it comes to social interaction with the Swedes.

“Shyness…..has been little investigated in Sweden, despite the well-known stereotype of Swedes as rather shy, reserved, withdrawn, stiff, and in many cases not very interested in approaching someone they do not know.”

In Modern Day Vikings, Christina Johansson Robinowitz and Lisa Werner Carr hit the spot. “In Sweden….silence is a trait to be valued. Swedes are generally uncomfortable with small talk, finding it unnecessary or, worse, intrusive.”

This generally holds true until becoming a mum, I found. A sure-fire way to get random strangers talking to you at the bus stop or in the supermarket is to equip yourself with a stroller. Only yesterday, a kind lady reminisced about her now grown-up children with me in the frozen vegetable aisle. So a stroller is a key conversation starter. Put a cute baby in it and you’ll even get your neighbours to chit-chat and pass the time of day with you. Amazing.

Perfect pickings in the park for the unwanted advice brigade. Photo: Christine Demsteader

Yet, Robinowitz and Werner Carr continue. “…(Swedes) see conversation as something that should have a purpose. When they do communicate, however, they can be surprisingly blunt.”

No kidding.

Sometimes, I’ve found their chosen words are simply just unwanted advice, badly timed at those crisis moments when you’re unsuccessfully trying to settle your crying baby. I’ve had people tell me he needs picking up, share their knowledge of preferable sleeping positions and the pitfalls of pacifiers.

There is a Swedish proverb: “Tala är silver, tiga är guld” – To speak is silver, to keep silent is gold. I used to moan about missing a friendly few words with passers by, but after nine years in Sweden I got used to holding my tongue. Now there are moments when I wish they would stick to being the solemn silent types I have come to know and even love.