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Nursery rhymes call new tune

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Aside from bundles of baby clothes, among the very generous gifts I received before and after my son was born was soothing nipple cream and dark circle concealer. A friend in Sydney sent a CD entitled “Two hundred of the greatest nursery rhymes ever.”

So far we’ve managed to listen all the way through to the letter H in the alphabetically-ordered two-disc compilation. That means I have had the pleasure of experiencing a tuneful rendition of Humpty Dumpty accompanied by dulcet Aussie tones.

Okay, so it was intended as a present for my son but it has served me well in jogging my memory back to my playschool days and enabling me to recall the actions that go with the lyrics.

Now it seems I am set to regress to being a two-year-old again and learn a new bunch of nursery rhymes. In Swedish. Yep, nevermind the changing accent, I’ll be taking on a different language.

I thought it wise to start now in fear my son will be subjected to embarrassing mum syndrome if I don’t know all the words. In a similar vein, I should really take the opportunity to master more than the first two lines of the national anthem and schnapps drinking ditty Helan Går while I’m at it.

Thankfully, when it comes to nursery rhymes, there are some variations on a theme, as you can find below.

Baa baa black sheep/Bä bä vita lamm
The lamb in the Swedish version has changed color to white while the melody has also completely transformed. Rather than a bag for the master, dame and little boy down the lane, there are various woollen garments for mum, dad and younger brother.

Incy Wincy Spider/Imse vimse spindel
The harmony is slightly altered but the plight of poor Incy, whose endeavors are blighted by the rainy weather, remain the same. Happily, the sunshine in Sweden also saves Incy’s adventurous streak.

Twinkle twinkle little stay/Blinka Lilla Stjärna
Same tune, same context. The Swedes also contemplate what this star that twinkles like a diamond in the sky really is but equally come to no conclusion.

Christine Demsteader

July 29, 2011

Parental leave: how do you spend yours?

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Baby-anything-you-like advertisements to fill your parental leave diary. Photo: Christine Demsteader

This is a photo of the noticeboard at the local children’s health center. Admittedly, it’s a tad depleted thanks to Sweden’s annual custom that is sommarstängt – where much of the country shuts down for holidays during the month of July.

Here parents can find adverts for baby swim, baby sing, baby sign, baby rhythm and baby massage among other baby-related activities for you and your small child. The list is both exhaustive and potentially exhausting.

There I was thinking all Swedish mums (and dads) took it easy during their parental leave and the highlight of the day was a cafe meet with their peers.

No, it seems, like me many feel subjected to a filling a full weekly diary of pursuits in search of progressing their child’s development. Is this where pushy parent syndrome starts, I wonder?

Given Sweden’s generous parental leave system I suppose there’s a need to fill those numerous weeks with more than lunch dates and copious amounts of coffee and chat – from the sights around the city of mammas en masse, one is led to believe this is the Swedish mum’s staple diet.

With that being said, I’ve been trying to think of a good collective noun for mothers. A pride? A babble? An ambush? I’d be interested to hear your suggestions. Pick any stroller-friendly cafe during a weekday morning or afternoon and you’re bound to find a bunch out in force.

Because aside from housing the noticeboard, children’s health centers in Sweden habitually organize a mother group (mammagrupp), bringing local mums with babies born within the same month or so together.

Note: they are often officially referred to as a parent group in order not to push father’s aside but rest assured, this is a mum thing.

It’s an interesting initiative; you strike up an immediate bond with strangers and find yourself discussing personal family matters close to heart. Either that, or end up comparing babies, their prowess in the pool and melodic singing talents over the obligatory beverage.

With that said, it’s Wednesday and fast approaching lunchtime which is my cue to go and meet my pride as we ambush a cafe and talk baby babble.

Christine Demsteader

July 27, 2011

The most generous parental leave in the world?

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If you type the phrase “parental leave Sweden” into Google, among the 320,000 results you may well find the word “generous” attached. Sometimes it even stretches to the phrase “one of the most generous in the world.” Sweden.se already has a nice simple explanation of how the system works which relieves me of a job. But on a quest to find out how good we really have it here, I continued to scour the internet for comparisons. Now I can’t wholeheartedly vouch for these examples – hey, I found them on the net – so here comes the liability waiver. If you know different, let us know!

- In Tunisia mothers receive 30 days off work, earning 67 percent of their salary. Fathers can claim one day of paternity leave if they work in the private sector. Public sector fathers fare better. Well, they get two days.
- Slovenian mums receive 12 months at full pay while dads are eligible for 11 days paternity leave.
- In South Africa, mothers can take up to four months off work and their salary is capped to 60 percent, depending on income. Fathers are given three days of paid leave.
- China keeps it simple. Ninety days for mums at 100 percent pay but no paid leave for fathers.

Before I give my verdict on whether Sweden truly lives up to its “most generous” label, I also found the following trivia worth sharing. (Insert liability waiver again).

- In Italy, full-time working mothers are entitled to two hours of rest every day for the first year back at work after giving birth.
. Maternity leave benefits in Singapore are not extended to women with their fifth child.
- In the Philippines, fathers are eligible to take seven days paternity leave but only if they are married.
- In Bulgaria, a grandparent can take the 12-month leave at 100 percent pay instead of either parent.

Sweden’s parental leave system has put the country on the map. Photo: imagebank.sweden.se

Now, Denmark and Norway are also often highly praised in the most generous parental leave league. In pure terms of the number of leave days (480) Sweden beats its Nordic neighbours. However, their approach is more straightforward and simple with fewer calculations needed. Indeed, Sweden’s complex process can give parents as much of a headache as a screaming child. Congrats to those who have survived the tangled web weaved by the Swedish Social Insurance Agency (Forsäkringskassan) and come out the other side practically unscathed.

Making claim to the most generous title until very recently was Lithuania. The Baltic nation provided two years of parental leave with 90 percent of pay in the first year and  75 percent in the second year. Very generous. However, in 2010 lawmakers voted in favour to make cuts after the World Bank made worrying calls over their budget deficit. The legislation came into effect this month.

Now, parents who take one year of leave will get 100 percent of their pay. They can choose to take two years of parental leave but benefits are reduced to 70 percent in the first year and to 40 percent in the second year.

In conclusion then, does Sweden have the most generous parental leave system in the world? Yes, as far as I can tell, it does now!

Christine Demsteader

July 23, 2011

Raising the social media generation

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This week the fashionable Beckhams shunned their publicist and opted to announce the birth of their daughter and share family photos via social media. It’s one trend they weren’t the first to set.

My son was on Facebook before he was even born. I announced my pregnancy on the social networking site to my wider circle of friends. Some people also got word of his arrival before I’d had chance to tell them personally thanks to a round of eager congratulatory messages posted on my wall within 24 hours of his birth. And that could be considered slow when compared to the growing number of breaking news babies whose mums tweet between contractions or update their status as they push.

The young Demsteader part 1.

We are indeed giving birth to the social media generation and even raising them online. Parents devote time to blog about their kids in diary form, they post cute photos and funny videos for everyone to see. Given that the Swedes are ranked first out of 138 countries in the latest World Economic Forum report on the usage of communications technology, it’s likely they do so more than most. Find out more fascinating facts here about the Swedes and their social media habits.

Now I found some old baby photos of myself the other day. I had forgotten about them until they fell out of an old book where I’d stored them to stop them curling at the edges. I’ll get round to that photo album someday. The matt-finished polaroids have stood the test of time despite their 34 years. They have that authentic antique tinge which adds to the air of nostalgia when I look at them.

The young Demsteader part 2.

Personally, I’m happy that my childhood pics and the memories that come with them have been privately preserved for me, rather than posted around the block. I wouldn’t normally want to share them with the world but, for the sake of this post, it seems I am.

Regardless of your online restrictions, today’s photos, videos and blogs are out there in the networked community cloud. And there they will likely stay until your baby turns teenager and beyond.

I wonder how William Nilsson will feel in a few years time when he replays his famous YouTube clip, knowing over 130 million have seen it before? The innocent, amateur video of this little Swedish boy went viral, became an internet phenomenon and is one of YouTube’s most watched clips to date.

We parents really don’t yet know the repercussions, if any, of uploading both a visual and verbal commentary of our kids’ lives online. We do know, however, that we won’t be stashing photos in a Kindle for safe-keeping.

Christine Demsteader

July 20, 2011

Isn’t he… pretty in pink

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I once favorably commented on a garment worn by a fellow expat in Sweden who, like myself, hails from the north of England. It was a pink shirt. It looked nice. I told him so, then added: “I bet it wouldn’t go down too well in your local pub back home though.” He agreed and admitted that while Sweden brought out his metrosexual side, he drew the line at lemon sweaters casually thrown over the shoulder.

The World Economic Forum tells us that Sweden is one of the top countries when it comes to demonstrating gender equality. Yet, kidswear stores in Sweden have yet to catch on to the concept that pink could be the new black for boys. And I’m pretty thankful to be honest. I couldn’t quite see myself kitting out my little boy in head-to-toe Hello Kitty.

Kalle in his spotted pink number. Photo: Staffan Claesson/Helena Kulle

Still, cross-dressing for kids is up for discussion. Writer Anette Skåhlberg was pretty disgusted when her son’s daycare had a quiet word about his dress sense. He liked to wear his sister’s dresses and his mother didn’t view it as promblematic. Other parents did.

So Skåhlberg took it upon herself to create the character of Kalle, based upon her son, and wrote the children’s books Kalle med klänning (Kalle with a dress) and Kalle som Lucia (Kalle as Lucia).

The stories, aimed from age two upwards, are part of a wider selection of fairytales penned by Skåhlberg to expose children to equality, openness and tolerance at an early age.

There’s also the likes of Princess Kristalla who goes against the wishes of her parents who want her to marry a prince while she wants to live happy ever after with her girlfriend. Meanwhile, male giraffes Jösta and Johan want to have a baby together and go on the hunt across the world looking for an egg.

Toys have certainly moved on an age since the days of my youth when it was strictly Action Man for boys and Barbie dolls for girls. But the thrill of “dressing up” has stood the test of time. When I was at nursery school I looked forward to Wednesday afternoons. That meant a great big chest filled with clothes and hats would come out of the closet along with our imaginations.

Today, no one will turn a blind eye to Pia becoming Pirate Jack but what about Fredrik who wants to be Fairy Frida? At the Egalia pre-school in Stockholm you can be whoever you want to be. The agenda is gender-free – with teachers refraining from using personal pronouns and instead refering to both boys and girls as “friends”.

The pre-school has recently made international headlines over its methods to break down typical male and female roles, which one commentator  labelled “gender madness”. I am inclined to agree. Let us not forget the story of Pop – the gender-free tot - whose Swedish parents cause a stir by deciding to keep their child’s sex a secret. While I commend the country’s mindful gender-gap endeavours, such lengths leave me red-faced rather than tickled pink.

Christine Demsteader

July 14, 2011