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Monthly archives: July 2010

Happy ever after

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I was hoping to witness an afternoon of mass weddings to end my reign and sign off my final post as the seasonal love blogger this summer. It was a way to go out with a bang – in the same vein I’m expecting the weekend’s Stockholm Pride celebrations to come to a close.

This year, organizers had arranged an event entitled “Five minutes and a lifetime of love” to take place at Pride House, otherwise known as the capital’s Kulturhuset. The idea? To consecutively marry around 20 gay or lesbian couples during a two-hour period on a Friday afternoon.

I only found out this week it had been cancelled. When I called Stockholm Pride to ask why, I left an answerphone message and received no response. When I called Kulturhuset they cited “lack of interest” as something of a hearsay reason.

Gay wedding. Big deal. Nice outfits though. Photo: Mathilda Piehl

It’s been over a year now since Sweden legally entitled gay couples the right to marry. So if the event was called off because couples weren’t exactly queuing up to tie the knot, should we really be surprised? Making a statement or public spectacle is not the way everyone wants to celebrate their big day.

Sweden’s gay community fought long and hard for same-sex marriage legislation to pass –  perhaps they just don’t feel the need to stick out of the crowds any more.

On the other hand, one wonders whether they are just happy to put up and shut up after getting want they wanted. They need to make a scene and their voice heard in parts of the world that are not as liberal as Sweden when it comes to gay issues. For me that goes hand-in-hand with their party-love-politics philosophy.

But they are getting married. We know that. According to Statistics Sweden, 774 same-sex couples married in 2009 from May 1st, the day the law was introduced.

A wedding shouldn’t be a PR stunt. I’ve never really pondered how they should be much before now. But during a love-blogging month along with a proposal in hand, I guess it’s about time to start.

Now that’s what I call a happy ending.

Christine Demsteader

July 31, 2010

Who wears the trousers in Sweden?

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I wear trousers more often than I do skirts. I’m not a raving feminist. My chosen dress code has little to do with household decision-making. I just hate my little stumpy legs.

To my knowledge, my sambo doesn’t wear dresses either. So if I were to ask myself who wears the trousers in our relationship, I’d say we probably both share pair of baggy shorts.

This came to my attention when reading an entertaining and informative blog post – which was forwarded to me.

Very well written by a US expat in Stockholm, the author argues that efforts to promote gender equality has effectively resulted in the emasculation of Sweden’s male population.

I agree that men up here in the north aren’t the pillaging Viking warriors of yesteryear and are somewhat different in physical style and emotional manner to their global counterparts. Some might say effeminate, others might say sensitive. Some women like that and macho men often don’t.

Sweden, indeed, offers a haven for men who have moved here from abroad to meet with their metrosexual fantasies. If they so wish. A married guy I know from a hard, industrial English city, now living in Stockholm, admits he can enjoy wearing pink shirts nowadays.

A Swedish man's place is in the kitchen Photo: Lena Granefelt/Image Bank Sweden

In fact, it’s more likely he’ll be complemented than condemned for his chosen colour of attire. A whole rainbow of pastel shades, it seems, are positively encouraged by men.

Another example where men feel demonstrably more at home in Sweden is in the kitchen. Rivalling male buddies go head-to-head in dinner party wars, competing with their chilled coulis and comparing their latest culinary gadgets.

But having travelled round the country on a two-month tour last summer, it’s fair to say I have seen my fair share of Sweden.

On the way, I met what I’d hazard to say where archetypal real men too: lumberjacks and gravediggers, reindeer herders and sailors.

Up in the Torne Valley, the northern border of Sweden and Finland, the locals use the derogatory term – knapsu – a patronizing label for men who are in touch with their feminine side.

Generalizing my eight years in Sweden, I have to say the men are not what I’d call macho. But this is a debate that mirrors the capital city v small town discussions and the growing generations of ‘new men’ back in England too.

I say this is not only a Swedish phenomenon, but like many things, it’s an area where the country is leading the way for better or worse.

Christine Demsteader

July 29, 2010

Swedish honeymoon for wedding tourists

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It drew heads of state to the heights of northern Europe and political peers from from the world over, but this year’s royal wedding couldn’t fill an average Stockholm hotel with summer tourists.

Pretty much before the nuptials took place, it was heralded as a PR flop and the bunch of brand Sweden’s marketeers had failed in their attempt to make the marriage a magnet for tourists.

Room reservations were typical for a June weekend; locals hoping to cash in their city center apartments were left out of pocket while extra trains especially for wedding commuters to the capital went off the rails.

The Swedish Chamber of Commerce (Svenska Handel) expected local business in the Stockholm region to soar and instead reported disappointing losses in comparison with their projections.

Ahead of the big day, this was the news that was hitting the headlines – making as much noise as what the dress would look like and what ingredients would be topping the cake.

In an attempt for both brand executives and journalists to eat their words, I read an article in quality daily Svenska Dagbladet (SvD) last week pointing towards a late take-off for wedding tourism.

Hardly quantitative. and purely based on unofficial chats with visitors on the streets, the Stockholm Visitors Board say the wedding is a key reason that sparked interest from this season’s tourists to come to the Swedish capital..

That Stockholm had to wait for the desired effect to materialize was something Thomas Brühl, managing director of Visit Sweden, considers normal.

“We actually never thought that loads of tourists would come to the wedding itself,” he told SvD. “But we hoped it would create some kind of curiosity around Sweden and we’d see the effects later on. This street survey points towards such an effect, even though we don’t exactly know how tourism has been affected by the wedding.”

The after-wedding boom begs the question as to whether Sweden could ever brand itself as a honeymoon destination? After the less than successful wedding coverage – I wonder what the PR people make of that.

Christine Demsteader

July 27, 2010

Help! I’m getting married in Sweden!

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I recently saw this advertisement offering free services from a wedding planner. Those of you who have followed the blog over the last few weeks will know I may be needing one in the near future.

Intrigued, I got in touch and chatted more to the person behind the ad – Christianne Beck – an Englishwoman who has recently moved to Gothenburg. She is currently studying event management and wedding planning (yes, apparently it’s a bona fide subject).

That came as a surprise until I learnt the following. “The average wedding takes between 200-300 hours to plan,” Christianne told me.

Christianne - watch this space!

I did the math. I was banking on six months preparation, which – at the top end of her estimate – avergages 11 and a half hours of a week.

“The stress and workload of liaising with up to 40 different suppliers, and spending hours of your own time planning a wedding can mount up,” Christianne adds.

“We have busy lives today with full-time jobs and families some people wouldn’t know where to start. So hiring someone that knows their stuff can be a massive benefit not only to your stress levels but also to your event itself.”

Christianne’s offer began to look more promising by the minute. By no means do I intend my wedding to become a part-timc chore, but I’m just not a girl who has spent her life planning and dreaming about her big day. Wasting time pondering over the paper quality of the envelopes in which to send invitations is not something that would come high on my list of things to do.

For those who value such detail, I bow down to their attitude and attention to detail. And they do exist. Weddings have become big business.

“Large-scale weddings are fairly common in the UK and the US,” Christianne adds. “In the US, you can expect 400-500 guests and by far Americans spend the most on their wedding day.”

Since moving to Sweden only months ago, single Christianne has learnt some valuable facts which could affect her future career.

Firstly, she hasn’t failed to notice that the streets here are full of Swedish men who have been inherently gifted with good looks. A little too early to say, perhaps, but she may well be organizing her own wedding here one day.

More pressing to her success is understanding the notions of lagom and Jantelagen – how their essence spreads throughout society and even impacts the wedding industry.

“I’ve learnt that Swedes don’t really like to spend a lot of money on their wedding day,” she says. “Even if they are rich it’s not okay to show off your wealth.”

So, you shouldn’t be try to be better than anyone else, nor try to outdo anyone else’s nuptials with a superior brand of envelopes. In Sweden it’s about sticking to a wedding that’s just right, following the trends and ensuring it’s not to big and not too little.

Hmmm, Christianne may have her found her first customer.

Christine Demsteader

July 25, 2010

Pride in queer love

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I was out and about in my neighborhood yesterday when I saw a young couple strolling down the street together. The pair of them personified true love. With their arms wrapped around each other and big smiles on their faces, they stole the opportunity to seal a lip-smacking kiss, oblivious to the buzz of passing tourists and shoppers.

Should they care about being upfront with their feelings because they were two women, girlfriend and girlfriend? Not around here. I live on the island of Södermalm – often referred to as the bohemian quarter, it has a socially liberal reputation.

Gay couples displaying their affection are a pretty common sight in these parts and rarely would anyone turn a head on spotting two men hugging or hand in hand.

A very public display of gay affection. Photo: Stockholm Pride

In the last decade, Sweden has worked hard in implementing measures to support the homosexual community and prevent discrimination.

But, as an article I wrote two years ago indicates, conservative criticism lives on. For example, there is still away a long way to go for traditional attitudes in the countryside to adapt to the open minds of the cosmopolitan capital.

Sentiments among my gay friends reveal this is still very much the case today and is not something totally unique to Sweden either.

In 2008, Stockholm hosted Europride – a large-scale pride event drawing crowds across the continent.  Over the next two years, Stockholm Pride’s international solidarity fund contributed financial help and practical support for Europride 2010, which concluded in Warsaw this week.

The choice of the Polish capital was hailed as a breakthough – the first international Pride festival to be held in Eastern Europe, where homosexuals in many places face daily inequality and prejudice.

Not only does Sweden have to continue to concentrate efforts on gay right’s issues at home, supporting Pride events abroad allows the country to spread its message across borders.

Sweden is perceived as a progressive, gay-friendly country and continues to prove itself, with the same-sex marriage law having passed its first year anniversary.

Out and about in my neighborhood, I also see the rainbow flags are flying in preparation for this year’s Stockholm Pride, which runs from July 26 – August 1.

On second thoughts, perhaps I even got it wrong.  The couple I spotted could have well been wife and wife.

Christine Demsteader

July 21, 2010