*Darkness. A voice narrating. It sounds pompous, powerful, and slightly intoxicated.*
LO, AND A GREAT CRY WAS HEARD THROUGHOUT THE LAND… The rumbling voices of a thousand somewhat curious onlookers, riveted by the journey of two friends from simple American expats in Sweden to would-be picklers of Swedish fish.
AND WHAT A JOURNEY IT WAS.
*Loud thundercrash, curtain draws back, revealing a grotesquely fat Tom Cruise, who is narrating*
Listen, my children, and you will hear… Of a truly heinous story of herring gone wrong, and the terrible fate that awaits unsuspecting picklers.
*Thunder crashes again, cut away to FLASHBACK*