Tag archives for Humor

20 Ways to Annoy a Swede: Part II (#11-20)

On Wednesday, I published Part I of 20 Ways to Annoy a Swede. So here it is, fresh out of the oven: Part II of 20 Ways to Annoy a Swede!

If you didn’t read the last post, here’s a little background. The Local (Sweden’s news in English) published a list called “How to lose Swedish friends in just 10 days,” and it got me thinking… and then inspired to do my own list of surefire ways to alienate the people around you. It’s up to you to choose whether to use this knowledge for good or for evil.

So here it is, courtesy of my own and my friends’ most awkward moments as foreigners in Sweden: the next ten ways to annoy a Swede.

11. Try to arrange an office happy hour less than a week in advance.

Didn’t you know that people already had plans with their families/respectives/friends? They would have liked to have come, but why didn’t you think of this a little more in advance? Are you purposely waiting to invite me to do things until I have other plans so that I can’t come?!

No, it’s not the ravings of a delusional 14 year old, it’s what happens when you try to organize a spontaneous social event without proper notice. Scheduling in advance is not a preference in Sweden; it’s a way of life. Disregarding it means nothing less than taking a scissors to the fabric of Swedish society (plus inviting all hell to break loose in your inbox).

The Vasa: The Greatest Warship Ever Built. Photo: Doug Wiseman

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Breaking news: lame joke bears eerie resemblance to real life.

In an odd twist of events, an incredibly lame joke about the weather turned out to be strikingly similar to real life experiences. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

I grew up in Michigan, which means lame jokes about the weather are nothing new to me. For example, “You know you’re from Michigan when you know only two seasons: winter and construction.” Or, “You know you’re from Michigan when you prefer driving in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.” Then there’s one that I’ve heard in Sweden, too. “Don’t like the weather? Wait five minutes.”

Har. Har. Har.

The prevalence of terrible jokes about the weather makes sense; I will grant you that. In places like Michigan and Sweden, the weather is a big deal. The snow, the rain, the dark, the cold—all of these will actually affect your mood and significantly impact your daily commuting experience. And the jokes are lame, but they’re also a way of signifying this sort of shared camaraderie in fighting against the misery of winter.

But never in my life did I expect one of these jokes to be even slightly similar to reality… until last Friday.

I made the mistake of celebrating the start of spring about a week ago because I found the first spring flowers just barely poking little yellow bulbs through the mat of dead grass by a bike stand. Spring is here! Spring is here! I cried, with a delight that can only be compared to the happiness of a thousand little munchkins at the death of the Wicked Witch of the West. Sadly, I had spoken too soon, and a mere three days later I returned home to Lund after a long day of working in Malmö to find snow on the ground. SNOW. Then, on Friday, it seemed like the weather was once again becoming more spring-like.

The first spring flowers! These yellow crocuses (croci?) are just poking their heads out from below a bike stand.

I woke up in the morning to sun, which already is a big success in March. Then I packed up my things and went back to Malmö, where I proceeded to sit at the same table in front of the same windows for five hours while teaching English. During the five hours I spent in front of those windows, the sun gave way to hail, which receded and then came back again twice as strong, setting off car alarms and ricocheting off of innocent pedestrians as they scrambled for cover. Then hail session number two eased into a blizzard-like snow, which, within an hour, became torrential rain. Then about half an hour before my scheduled 3 pm departure time, the sun came out, and I was able to unzipper my coat on my bike ride home.

Now please, someone, explain to me how this range of weather phenomena is possible. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I keep trying to talk about this day with people here like it was something extraordinarily strange, WHICH IT WAS, and everyone just shrugs their shoulders at me and look at me like, “Yes, and…?” NOT THE RESPONSE I AM LOOKING FOR. The response I am looking for, by the way, is more along the lines of, “Oh my God, the apocalypse. THE SKY IS FALLING!”

Anyway, now that I’ve shared this slice of life of you… here are some photos that I find encouraging. Spring is on its way!

Little shoots poking through the dirt.

Flowers are beginning to bring color and life to Lund! You can see the remains of last fall's ivy, which was stunning a mere five months ago.

Some more early bloomers,