A report filed from the field
The Swedish male, while obviously related to others of its type, looks very different than other nationalities’ specimens. Generally speaking, the species might be described as taller, thinner, and blonder than those found in other parts of the world. Its physical dimensions are, however, only one factor that distinguishes the Swedish male from its foreign counterparts.
As with many other species, the Swedish male clothes itself in such a way as to send signals to its community. Clothing may indicate status, a particular in-group identity, even professional aspirations. It may also play an important role in attracting and securing a mate.
The clothing of the Swedish male fluctuates seasonally, increasing in bulk during winter months and decreasing during summer months, following a prolonged shedding period in the spring. During spring and summer months, a male may be found in red pants or shirts the color of Easter eggs. Shorts may assume any length, from “I-can-see-your-thighs” short, to a comfort zone above and below the knee, to the mid-shin man-capris.
A few constants endure throughout the year, however, including a proclivity for snugly fitting pants, V-neck shirts, and cardigans. The Swedish male clearly finds it important to accessorize himself, as necklaces, bracelets, and man-purses are common. More permanent decoration in the form of tattoos is also not uncommon.
As the Swedish male ages, it accrues various symbols of its wisdom and experience. Distinctive eyewear is a key component in signaling to others one’s age and prestige. Depending on individual preferences, signs of physical aging may be mitigated by chemical interventions (such as hair dye or anti-wrinkle cream) or cultivated as further proof of one’s gravitas.
The most distinctive element of the Swedish male’s appearance, however, is the specimen’s hair style. While the style itself might vary from individual to individual, the crucial factor is that it is styled. The hair of the Swedish male is parted, sculpted, shaped, and waxed, held into place by product. Grooming processes are in place. Leave-in conditioners may be used. Time is spent considering the most advantageous placement of part lines.
In many parts of the world, such attention to form rather than function would indicate an undesirable lack of masculinity. Here, however, it is simply a way of life.