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Tag archives for parenting

Parenting in Sweden: a road less bumpy

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I had another one of those encounters recently, you know, the ones I’ve told you about before where a stranger makes pleasant small talk on the basis of your baby. But this came with something of a twist.

Cue kind old granddad type who approached my son and I at an outdoor cafe. After the obligatory ooooohs, aaaahs and smiles came the line: “let’s hope there’s a job for him when he grows up.”

It’s a sign of the times, I suppose, made nonetheless more prevalent right now, as I type this final blog post from from my homeland in England, where we are on vacation.

The news of the riots involving disillusioned youth around the country has dominated the news and even prompted one commentator on a late night current affairs programme to ask the question: “why doesn’t this happen in Sweden?”

For the short while I’ve been back, I’ve been quizzed and questioned by friends and family about life in Sweden with a child – on topics I’ve discussed throughout the course of this blog – and their response draws a common consensus.

They marvel at the generous parental leave system, are amazed at the benefits given to fathers. Further down the line they sigh in wonder at the heavily subsidized daycare services and praise the way parents can take leave to look after their sick children, not to mention the free higher education.  

Put simply, people are generally astonished how Swedish society supports the family unit in its various guises.

In Sweden, this is nothing new. The importance of social welfare for families first came to the forefront in the 1930s thanks to Gunnar and Alva Myrdal. Both husband and wife partnership and political allies, they co-authored the book Crisis in the Population Question (Kris i befolkningsfrågan) in 1934. What was written to propose solutions to the country’s declining birthrate at the time became an influential foundation for the Swedish welfare model to come.  

Crown Princess Victoria - watch this space and waist! Photo: Paul Hansen

No, it’s not perfect and there are many things still to bemoan but I feel quite priviledged to be parenting in Sweden. As the forefather and mother of this pro child-parent society, Gunnar and Alva would be no doubt proud to know that Sweden tops the rankings in the latest Children’s Index, published by Save the Children, which rates developed countries on well-being in childhood. I won’t dwell too much on the UK performance in comparison.

Similarly, Sweden is consistently named within the top countries when it comes to the best places in the world to be a mother. In this year’s Mother’s Index, also published by Save the Children, the country comes in fourth place.

One hopes that amid the global turmoil of late, Sweden will be able to sustain its family policies in order that our children will become heirs to this model  At least, it all bodes well for the woman that Sweden is expecting to expect sometime soon. The media is currently on royal bump watch, closely guarding the waistline of Crown Princess Victoria.

More of an issue will surely be how Her Royal Highness and husband Prince Daniel will share their parental leave. I’m four months into mine with a way to go yet - so thank you Sweden and thank you too for following this far.

Christine Demsteader

August 16, 2011

The price of an eco baby

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Sweden is well-known on the world stage for it’s green efforts. From recycling and renewable energy to sustainable housing and ecosystems, the country is determined to hand over the sound environmental legacy it has started to the next generation and beyond.

Everyone in society can contribute, parents especially, since baby care is going back to the future with the cloth diaper (nappy) making a comeback. This comprehensive article from a parenting magazing (only in Swedish) shares some interesting statistics.

Photo: Babybegreen.se

Every year, 414 million disposable diapers are disposed of in Sweden. That’s 20,000 tonnes of waste that equates to two percent of all household rubbish throughout the land.

It is estimated that cloth diapers make up less than five percent of the market in Sweden, but they are the most sought-after items from the range of ecological and organic products from Babybegreen.se

The online shop was launched in 2009 by Jenny Wanselius – an environmental advisor and mother of two who wanted to combine her roles. The idea was born along with her first child.

“When you have a baby, you get so much information that you have to buy so many things. It’s a bit excessive,” she says.

“Having a baby makes a huge impact on the planet. Everyone wants the best for their children and I wanted to give them a fresh start but felt you had to do all the research yourself to find organic products.” And so she created a one-stop shop with everything from toys and clothes to potties.

“Swedes as a whole are generally aware when it comes to green issues and parents are certainly interested and know it’s important,” Wanselius adds. “And if you buy less you can afford better quality.”

In a 2008, survey  of over 15,000 parents in Sweden, seven out of ten said they generally steered clear of organic products for their kids, labeling them “too expensive.”

According to Wanselius, cloth diapers are the ultimate environmental and economical alternative. The message is help save the environment while you save money too. Because you can’t put a price on the soft, warm touch of a baby’s skin.

Christine Demsteader

August 13, 2011

Meet the Svenssons

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They live in the city suburbs, enjoy skilling together and holidaying in Thailand. There’s mamma Inga, pappa Ingemar, eldest son Ingvar and baby girl Ingrid. The Svenssons – your average Swedish family? Maybe not.

Three is the magic number. Photo: Martin Svalander/ imagebank.sweden.se

Sweden’s nuclear families house an average of 1.85 children. But according to a recent study, a new trend in having a third child has emerged over the last decade. Today around 18 percent of parents in Sweden have three children or more.

The typical Svenssons do exist in society today, even those with a hat-trick of kids in tow, but it’s the make up of Swedish parents that is changing face.

This week Stockholm Pride – the rainbow-colored annual LGBT festival – is in town and “openness” is the themed banner for 2011.

“For Stockholm Pride, openness is more about what you do than who you are,” says Pär Wiktorsson, chair of the event and organization. “Its the ability to see beyond what society perceives as ‘normal’, and understand that there is more than one kind of love, more than one way to live and raise a family.”

This year, American Thomas Beatie – a transgender male who gave birth to three children – was in Stockholm to make the opening speech at the event. Since the capital celebrated its first Pride festival in 1998, barriers for gay families have been broken down, namely the right to marry, adopt and – for lesbian couples – the right to insemination.

Rainbow kids in the Stockholm Pride parade. "My cousin has two mums," the sign says. Photo: Joakim Lovén/RFSL

There is still some way to go. Pressure continues from Sweden’s gay activists to make further reforms, ensuring LGBT parents have the same legal rights as their peers and their children grow up with the same security, possibilities and respect.

With these changes, a small but increasing number of children are living in “different” family constellations in Sweden today. In 2009, RFSL – The Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights began a three-year project – Children in Rainbow Families – to bring awareness to the matter.

Where did they start? Well, they didn’t try to convert the non-tolerant community, or preach to those already persuaded. Instead they targeted pre-schools, providing material for teachers to learn more about these modern-day families to share with Sweden’s youngest citizens.

It is this kind of thinking that surely opens the door for the next generation Svenssons – mothers Sara and Sandra or fathers Mikael and Markus to live in harmony next door or across the road from Ingemars’ clan.

Christine Demsteader

August 5, 2011

Breastfeeding: the naked truth

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Not the breast I spotted on the Stockholm commuter train. Photo: Carin Araujo/ www.sxc.hu

For those not in the know, it is World Breastfeeding Week. From August 1-7 the “breast is best” mindset is being celebrated throughout 170 countries worldwide. Marketing efforts even include a photo competition to promote this natural artform.

In Sweden, it is presumed you will want to breastfeed your baby. It’s not usually up for discussion in the pre-birth parenting groups and mothers that simply can’t produce seem to be consumed with guilt and explanation instead.

Yet, the country is a shining example for  the World Health Organization’s recommendation that exclusive breastfeeding is optimal for the first six months. The percentage of babies that have been breast-fed in Sweden hits the high nineties. Given the Swedes strict adherence to authority they routinely stop after half a year and switch to solids.

I have witnessed nursing rooms in Stockholm shopping malls but, as a rule, breastfeeding is not a discreet affair. Like most other mums, I think nothing of sitting on a street bench or stopping in the park to feed my hungry child. Yet fellow expat mum here who are holidaying in their homeland for the summer, have expressed concerns about expected reactions from breastfeeding at all, never mind baring it all in ful-frontal fashion. If it’s not a bottle, discretion is the word.

In 2009, a public breastfeeding display did capture attention in Sweden and the global media too. Ragnar Bengtsson, a 26-year-old father, decided to experiment to see if he could produce milk to breastfeed his future children. The self-styled Swedish “milkman” failed in his bid to lactate. Still, for his efforts, he won a trip to the States to appear on The Tyra Banks show – not a bad booby prize.

Now, I’ve been in Sweden long enough now to bare all. That Swedes have few inhibitions when it comes to being scantily clad was coined back in the sixties era of free love and sexual liberation. But somehow it stuck. The image remains of beautiful bare-chested blondes sweating in the sauna before running freely down to the water for a skinny-dipping session. It’s not an everyday occurrence but yes, they do and yes, I’ve joined in.

Being at one with nature is not quite the same when you’re on the Stockholm commuter train faced with a rather large breast to accompany your journey home. I recently spotted a mother openly feeding her child en route and chatting on her phone. No one poked their head out from behind their newspaper nor raised an eyebrow.

I took heed, stopped staring and refrained from whipping out my camera. Shame – a shot of this mobile-talking, mobile-feeding mother would surely have been a contender for the World Breastfeeding Week photo comp.

Christine Demsteader

August 3, 2011

Parental leave: how do you spend yours?

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Baby-anything-you-like advertisements to fill your parental leave diary. Photo: Christine Demsteader

This is a photo of the noticeboard at the local children’s health center. Admittedly, it’s a tad depleted thanks to Sweden’s annual custom that is sommarstängt – where much of the country shuts down for holidays during the month of July.

Here parents can find adverts for baby swim, baby sing, baby sign, baby rhythm and baby massage among other baby-related activities for you and your small child. The list is both exhaustive and potentially exhausting.

There I was thinking all Swedish mums (and dads) took it easy during their parental leave and the highlight of the day was a cafe meet with their peers.

No, it seems, like me many feel subjected to a filling a full weekly diary of pursuits in search of progressing their child’s development. Is this where pushy parent syndrome starts, I wonder?

Given Sweden’s generous parental leave system I suppose there’s a need to fill those numerous weeks with more than lunch dates and copious amounts of coffee and chat – from the sights around the city of mammas en masse, one is led to believe this is the Swedish mum’s staple diet.

With that being said, I’ve been trying to think of a good collective noun for mothers. A pride? A babble? An ambush? I’d be interested to hear your suggestions. Pick any stroller-friendly cafe during a weekday morning or afternoon and you’re bound to find a bunch out in force.

Because aside from housing the noticeboard, children’s health centers in Sweden habitually organize a mother group (mammagrupp), bringing local mums with babies born within the same month or so together.

Note: they are often officially referred to as a parent group in order not to push father’s aside but rest assured, this is a mum thing.

It’s an interesting initiative; you strike up an immediate bond with strangers and find yourself discussing personal family matters close to heart. Either that, or end up comparing babies, their prowess in the pool and melodic singing talents over the obligatory beverage.

With that said, it’s Wednesday and fast approaching lunchtime which is my cue to go and meet my pride as we ambush a cafe and talk baby babble.

Christine Demsteader

July 27, 2011

SHOW ME THE MONEY! Sweden’s social welfare system and families

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When people talk about Sweden’s social welfare system, they often talk in terms of quantifiable statistics: the distribution of fathers and mothers on parental leave, infant mortality rates, and the number of entrepreneurs per capita, to name a few. It’s more difficult to trace the social welfare system’s effects on Swedish culture and families—effects that are just as important, but to which it is almost impossible to assign numbers and figures.

When I first came to Sweden, one of the most startling differences I saw between here and anywhere else I’ve lived—multiple regions in the United States, Italy, Austria—is the way that parents and children interact with each other as a family. It took me a while to understand why these differences exist, but I think they originate in large part with the far greater independence that young adults enjoy at an earlier age in Sweden than in most other parts of the world.

The biggest difference for me as a young adult and an American is that from what I’ve seen, the large majority of Swedish 20-somethings are completely financially independent from their parents. In the United States, young adults frequently have their finances interwoven with their parents’ to a much greater degree through, for example,  student loans, health insurance plans, and family cell phone contracts.

My Swedish family! (almost everyone)

It’s impossible to generalize about the behavior of parents and children in the United States versus in Sweden without stereotyping. It seems to me, however, that the safety net and the opportunities provided by the social welfare system makes a profound difference on how (in)dependent young adults are on their parents. Because young adults in Sweden have such a greater degree of economic freedom than in other parts of the world, a greater degree of self-agency at a younger age comes hand-in-hand.

Swedish parents seem just as willing as any others to help their kids out with money if they need to make a down payment on an apartment or buy a car, but barring large expenditures, young adults in Sweden don’t need their parents to underwrite the costs of their everyday lives. Because of this, the relationship seems to move beyond parenting into a more adult friendship mode at an earlier age than in other countries.

One giant difference is the cost of higher education. In the United States, parents often start saving for their child’s college tuition before the child is even born. In Sweden, it’s free to go to university, and full-time students get a monthly subsidy from the state to support them during their studies. They can also apply for a loan from the same governmental agency with lower interest rates than competing banks.

It’s also common for Swedes to take time off from studying for a couple of years after finishing gymnasium (something between high school and the first two years of college) and work or travel. This is the time when they’re expected to become adults, and once they’ve gotten a clearer idea of what they want to do, they’ll start studying at a university. Until their studies start, though, Swedes are relatively free to try things out, to travel, and to seek out life experiences rather than move quickly towards economic security.

There may be some Swedish families that are affected by the social welfare system less than others. Both photos CC from Flickr, esther1616 (l) and hellojenuine (r).

The strength of the health care system in Sweden also allows young adults to have incredible economic freedom from an early age. Having access to high quality, efficient health care that also happens to be provided at a low cost to the patient gives everyone in Sweden the luxury of not worrying. For young adults in the United States, the difference is even greater. Before you get the fancy full-time job with benefits included, your health insurance comes from your parents’ job and their willingness to include you as a dependent.

All this security comes at a cost, of course, and that’s where Sweden’s high tax rates come into play. Sweden’s social welfare system is a safety net sustained by the strong economy and the tax-paying population, and you’ll see a hefty chunk of your paycheck allocated to the system before it makes its way into your pocket. The tradeoff is that your contribution lets parents off the hook for taking care of their adult children and puts it on the government instead. In the end, I’ve got to say—they don’t do a half bad job. And then parents can just enjoy being parents.

 

Kate Reuterswärd - Expat

April 17, 2011